Leslie James Clow

Today would have been my father's 63rd birthday. He died almost 4 years ago of a heart attack, long before the world had had enough of him. We were as close as any two men have ever been and I think about him every day. I don't want to be morbid or mawkish, but to celebrate him by sharing some of the things he taught me, (and anyone else who stood at the bar for long enough to listen).

• Life is far too important to be taken seriously.
• Have another drink.
• Try not to litter your life with prudish and narrow-minded people; it's almost always because they're not getting laid and there's probably a good reason for that.
• Preparation method for cucumber; thinly slice, marinade in lightly seasoned vinegar for at least two hours, discard the cucumber and then throw away the vinegar.
• Have another drink.
• A man's toy box is never full.
• Everyone enjoys judging others and hates to be judged.
• Sex is a fascinating dichotomy; it's simultaneously important and trivial, serious and silly. Don't analyse, practice.
• We're here to make babies and look after the place.
• Fancy another drink?
• If you're searching for God, try looking in Yorkshire. It's fairly certain that's where he came from. And why would he have moved?
• Take time out to talk to animals and listen to what they say in return; it will be the most rewarding conversation you'll have all day.
• Always ask. It's surprising what you can get away with.
• Don't trust the seriously rich; it's almost impossible to get wealthy without screwing someone over along the way.
• Playing is better than not playing. If you play, you'll lose more often than you win. Learn to enjoy losing.
• Don't fear death; it's not the worst thing that can happen to you. The worst things are caused by your own fears.
• Ready for a drink yet?
• Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll have something to do until the pub opens.
• Never let your dingle dangle in the dirt.

If you knew my old man, raise a glass and remember. If you didn't get the chance to know him, raise a glass and think about what you missed. Cheers.