It's odd at SCUBA-school

I have a new obsessive hobby. Those of you who know me well will have seen all of this before. You'll recognise all the signs of the usual cycle of the autistically obsessed. I have read 2 textbooks (exhausting Swinton library), I have enrolled on a training course and now I'm already contemplating the necessary research before I make my first (all-important) equipment purchase. The focus of this new romance? SCUBA diving.

It started with Lynn and I looking for a holiday that would give Bob something to do while he was tagging along on holiday with us. SCUBA seemed a great choice, because Bob and I have done a fair bit of snorkeling together in different seas around the world. So we were all good to go (to the Maldives as a matter of fact) when Bob decided he didn't want to come! Turned us down flat and prefers to stay in sunny Swinton with his mates and tool about on BMXs for his 10 week summer holiday. I know, it doesn't make any sense to me either, but there's no point in trying to interpret the workings of the 16-year-old male's brain; from what I can remember it's all driven by the promise of girls and illicit drinking and not even the Indian Ocean can compete with that heady mix. So instead, Lynn and I will go it alone, to be pampered in adult luxury in Crete. The trouble is, having thought about becoming a SCUBA diver, I can't shake the idea from my head. The upshot is that the Cretan holiday will involve some diving, at a PADI diving school in the hotel grounds. And to make sure I squeeze the most out of it, I have enrolled at my local diving school, where I have already passed some theory exams and had my first lesson. If you've never done it, I can heartily recommend it as a genuinely weird way to pass an hour or two. Maybe the weirdness was caused by the fact that I was discovering the fabulous underwater world that is Chapeltown swimming baths. Fairly short on sharks and coral is Chapeltown.

I can't wait to be exploring the wrecks and sunken Minoan cities of the southern Med. I still can't believe that Bob's not wanting to get into something this technical and ripe with the opportunity to spend hours browsing online equipment stores. Just like his old man, Bob loves to spend a day price-comparing top-end-specification nonsense to satisfy his latest obsession. At the moment, Bob's obsession is BMX frames and pedal cranks. Way to go, son. Now, where did I put that wetsuit brochure?